It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
