Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
