Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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