I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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