We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
