thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
