Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
