Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
