Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
