I feel great
I just peed on a car
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Mom said you looked used
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize