just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
