honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
