Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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