this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
