I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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