Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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