I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
