i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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