I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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