Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
