he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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