So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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