what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
