oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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