Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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