yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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