Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
