feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
