dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
