ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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