I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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