I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
