you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
