i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
