Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
