All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
