I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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