Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
