haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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