I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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