So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was āTits On A Stickā.
Randomize
