I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
