I think i peed on brittanys purse
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
