don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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