in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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