i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
