you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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