So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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