You're completely useless in the revolution.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
