Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
