Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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