I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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