Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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