Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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