woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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