I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
