i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
