He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
