Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
