Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
