think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
