Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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