Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
