I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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