I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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