I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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