Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
