...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
