I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
