Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
