Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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