I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My balls are so social today.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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