You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
