I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
