Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
