It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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