I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
