is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
