well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
