Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
