someone get that fucking seahorse.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
