how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
