I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
